I was with friends enjoying a conversation and one of them was curious about my next move. He was curious because I had made changes recently in my life. My answer to the question was getting to know myself better and he quickly replied that it was a futile exercise. I am assuming the feeling was that there was no way I could figure out life in my 20s. Later in a Whatsapp group a conversation about what is expected from a 20something year old was sparked when someone posted about a pilot who was 29 and had passed away in the tragic Ethiopian airlines crash. I was surprised how the conversation heated up really quick.
What is expected from a person in their 20s anyway? Should you start ‘adulting’ ready to face any challenge that comes your way? Is there a hangover from your teenage days? I’m still in my 20s trying to figure out my way so this article is not from an expert angle but still might have important insights.
Lately I have been reading a lot and following up on some of the people I consider icons and one similarity I get from most of them is that their 20s weren’t as glamorous as I wish they would be. There was a disconnect from what I was told, what I saw in movies to what had been experienced by these individuals. Usually we think life has a particular sequence it should take and this idea is sold to us through social media, conventional media and our minds simply planning things out (as it should). We know what type of job we want, what type of place we want to live and even what brand of car we want to drive. Personally as I grow into my twenties the vision isn’t as clear anymore. Some realities dawned on me, making me realise I would not achieve everything as I had set out to do and this made me disoriented.
The year is 2010, life in high school had resumed its regular flow but there was one change that I hadn’t anticipated. I’m not sure I even noticed this person until he was moved to sit in the column I was in. Willdick, with his unusual name, sparked an interest that I had been thinking about but was too scared to pursue. We started writing rhymes for rap songs and by the next year we were 4 members in a group called pecuniary empire. The series of events that happened after that were life changing. You couldn’t see it from the surface because in my whole music ‘career’ I was only paid 500 shillings which I split with my rap partner. What I really gained from the experience was social capital. Learning how to network, confidence to get on a stage and perform music, discipline and learning how to navigate an industry full of cons and swindlers.
In my early 20s my life took another unexpected tangent this time taking me away from music. We were preparing to do an album, this time as a rap duo under the name lost in the 90s. Two members from our earlier group had left, leaving Willdick and I. As we were practicing our lines I got a call, the lady on the line shared information of the date and venue for an interview, an opportunity in Israel. I dismissed it because I was sure that music was my path to a happy successful life. I later changed my mind and went for the interview, Willdick and my siblings cautioned me from letting the opportunity pass and I told myself there would be time to do the album after I came back to Kenya. After one year I was back home but my interests had changed.
In one of the articles in my blog I talk about taking the first step, and I will forever be grateful to Willdick for helping me take this leap of faith in pursuing music. It is an experience I would not trade for any other, even if in monitory value it brought 500 shillings from a live performance and 200 shillings in revenue from downloads.
One of the scariest things in our twenties is that lack of vision or knowledge on what next step we should take. This is brought about by the many uncertainties of life. It might be because of the state of the economy, high unemployment rate, poverty or your background just doesn’t inspire. I once thought God is unfair and wondered why some people suffer more than others. But I later realised that our situations are different but what we all have in common is a choice of how we react to the world. You can choose to be negative or positive in a situation, choose to give up or fight or choose love or hate in a situation. So what is important is not what the world throws at us, what is important is how we react. It’s not easy but it needs us to master our emotions. “Adults don’t emerge. They’re made” Kay Hymowitz. The spiritual and emotional growth that will enable you to make the right choices comes gradually as we experience life. As we gain identity capital to fill our CVs and social capital to improve our skills we get emboldened. So yes we should always be on the pursuit of knowing ourselves better by experiencing life, simply by pursuing opportunities that come our way. Similar to our pursuit of God, if you seek you’ll find.
How then do we know the opportunities that we should pursue? If you seat down and critically think about it you’ll see that you have finite opportunities. This is not a discouragement but rather a wakeup call that we can’t be good at everything but we are definitely great at something(s). I believe that God continually speaks to us; we somehow forgot this fact and believe that His words are only found in the Bible. God has spoken since the days of ‘Let there be’ up to this very moment He speaks. That persistent voice that keeps ringing in your mind to take a certain path will engulf like the whale did Jonah until you fulfil your purpose. We sometimes ignore the thoughts until we somehow forget them. We then tell ourselves we do not know what to do with ourselves but deep down we know our truths but silence them deep within us. Psychoanalyst Christopher Bollas calls this the unthought known. We know but claim we don’t know. Fear usually the cause of this self-inflicted amnesia. This can only be overcome by listening to the thoughts and then taking action.
In conclusion, I hope God brings a Willdick into your life to spark that change. That you will have a centred soul; a soul not carried away by every passing thing but which trusts the process. That your pace will not be determined by a social media account or the standards set by peers but from a place of self-awareness. And finally I hope you enjoy your 20s as you build the foundation of your adult life.
Inspiring!
Great post Eric !