71 landmines later, it was time to retire for Magawa. He did not go home to rest empty-handed
; he was awarded a gold medal for his heroism. Born in Tanzania, Magawa was trained in identifying landmines and later plied his trade in South East Asia. There he ensured that the government of Cambodia handed over safe land to its citizens. Magawa is a rat who worked along Malen his handler, to identify landmines in Cambodia.
As I read about Magawa, I thought about myself. I am definitely not in the same profession. I don’t sniff out landmines; I don’t lead a risky life. And even though we are both mammals, I’m definitely not a rat. If Magawa made a mistake, that would be the end of his career. But if I made a mistake, or if my writing wasn’t as good as it could be, it wouldn’t be the end of the world.
I forgot that I can make mistakes. I forgot that further from making mistakes, I can learn from them. I let fear of making mistakes become a landmine in my mind. It was like I was in a field and didn’t make a move because I was crippled with fear. I stopped writing, feeling that either my writing wasn’t good enough or I don’t want to have work on my blog that is not perfect. Slowly but surely, I stopped writing articles on my blog.
This week, I have learned two things that changed how I think about this blog and generally all that I’m pursuing. One was shared in an interview I watched where someone said, “It’s either you serve your gift or you serve society.” I was stuck at thinking about how people will perceive my work until it paralysed me. I boxed myself and therefore could not allow myself to grow past my previous articles and could not allow myself to be imperfect. I had to be perfect for the reader.
It’s either you serve your gift or society. We all have to choose a master. Unfortunately I had resigned to fear. Fear of making mistakes. Fear of being rejected by the reader. Now I realize that I should choose my master wisely, chose to serve God, and not fear. In God is where I find my purpose, I find what defines me. That is the only way I can stay true to my craft, my gift. As we are reminded in the Bible, “…apart from me you can do nothing.”
The second thing I learnt is I’m allowed to make mistakes. I should not fear that my blog will keep a record of these mistakes rather I should embrace it as evidence of my growth. This realisation came after reading an article from one of my favourite columnists Sunny Bindra. I understood that the excessive urge to always be proved right leads to hubris. And humility can be nurtured when we look back at our mistakes not to be stuck in that moment but to learn and audit our progress.
To err is human to forgive is divine. I shared a conversation with someone close to me and they clearly pointed out how my actions in the past had hurt them. I couldn’t remember any of it but I could tell how much pain I had caused this individual from how it was expressed to me. It is truly divine to find peace and forgiveness. At that moment I felt pain because I wondered how could I have been so hurtful. But I also felt peace because I could see growth from the past version of myself; growth that made this individual comfortable enough to speak up.
Our mistakes should not cripple us because as long as we live God has given us a chance to make things better. That doesn’t mean we should revel in sin and not care about our actions. Rather it is an admission that in our businesses, lives, relationships, we fall short in one way or the other and must accept our shortcoming and make amend.
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